Living My Own Myth
I've been meaning to write this blog for awhile. I ran an errand with Scott a few nights ago. Peter Frampton's "Do you feel like we do?" Scott exclaimed how much he loved the song. He told me to wait after Frampton did a wail through the speaker box and his favorite guitar solo was right after. He said he patterned most of his solos off that riff. I told him I knew that because I recognized the ascending scale style of the solo. He was so happy that I bothered to know that. I squeezed his hand and told him.
"I love the music in your soul."
He squeezed back. "I love you too, baby."
We bought dinner, went home, put on a movie, and cuddled with dog for the evening. It was a perfect night. Scott and I are perfect for each other. We want a lot of things that others don't want. Number one is freedom. We both are artisans. We have our trades we learned and have been perfecting for years. He paints houses and I massage bodies. We don't work in offices. We don't have managers, or bosses.We have ourselves. Our work depends on our own initiative to work. We take off when we want to, and we work as much or as little as we want. (I'll bust out two weeks with no days off and have 4 days off after to recover. I work when there is work to be had)
We don't want to buy a house, we don't want children, we drive cars not made in this century, our life goals are artistic not monetary. Scott wants to be a professor who teaches history through the lens of food production and innovations in cooking. I want to write my books that I have floating in my head. I want a shelf of books, I want my novels to be required reading in college courses. I want my novel to be a dog eared favorite of some future innovator. A future "Catcher in the Rye" without the assassination thing attached to it.
I see us as the non-alcoholic childless version of Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. Two distinct personalities and artistic styles that chose to live together. I have said it a million times: if I wasn't with Scott, I wouldn't be with anybody. I'd date people, I'd fuck em, but they would not be welcome to stay over. I'd be a total bartender after sex, all "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Move em out boys!"
There is an easy going nature between us. I preen like a cat around him, because I know he loves to watch me be girlie. He hugs and squeezes me every chance he gets, because he knows I love being touched by him. I can't imagine letting someone into my private world the way I have with Scott. I don't think I'd even want to bother investing that much in another human being.
Scott is the man I believe can handle dreaming his own myth, like I am dreaming mine. I did not want a normal obituary. Survived by, blah blah blah. I wanted a life like Oscar Wilde, not always pleasant, but goddamn it, well-lived. I'm not proud of a lot of my mistakes, but I'm proud I haven't lived a cowardly life. I'm proud I live by my terms, and so does Scott.
Joseph Campbell speaks of following your bliss, and I believe that is a life worth leading. Scott agrees. We have done so many amazing things together that we should not have been able to afford, but happened into amazing opportunities that would not have been there at any other time. We are planning for two weeks in Europe this September to celebrate our ten year anniversary. Logistically, it should be a bitch to pull off. But I know from previous experience that all we have to do is mark the days off, and things will be paid for and ready when the date rolls around. Sounds crazy, but you know what? It worked the last four times we went to Europe. We lucked into cheap flights, pre-paid for our hotel rooms months in advance, and basically saved for food and fun. Works every time.
I guess what I'm saying is live large, take chances, and don't shoot for the middle. I don't have to be the best author ever. Just one of the best. I don't want to be word famous or rich, I want to be the kind of person I would be jazzed to meet. Someone self possessed, articulate, educated, fun, spontaneous, and fearless. Someone unafraid of the world and all its joys and sorrows. Someone drinking from the cup of life unapologetically and sucking the juice from every moment!
"I love the music in your soul."
He squeezed back. "I love you too, baby."
We bought dinner, went home, put on a movie, and cuddled with dog for the evening. It was a perfect night. Scott and I are perfect for each other. We want a lot of things that others don't want. Number one is freedom. We both are artisans. We have our trades we learned and have been perfecting for years. He paints houses and I massage bodies. We don't work in offices. We don't have managers, or bosses.We have ourselves. Our work depends on our own initiative to work. We take off when we want to, and we work as much or as little as we want. (I'll bust out two weeks with no days off and have 4 days off after to recover. I work when there is work to be had)
We don't want to buy a house, we don't want children, we drive cars not made in this century, our life goals are artistic not monetary. Scott wants to be a professor who teaches history through the lens of food production and innovations in cooking. I want to write my books that I have floating in my head. I want a shelf of books, I want my novels to be required reading in college courses. I want my novel to be a dog eared favorite of some future innovator. A future "Catcher in the Rye" without the assassination thing attached to it.
I see us as the non-alcoholic childless version of Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. Two distinct personalities and artistic styles that chose to live together. I have said it a million times: if I wasn't with Scott, I wouldn't be with anybody. I'd date people, I'd fuck em, but they would not be welcome to stay over. I'd be a total bartender after sex, all "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Move em out boys!"
There is an easy going nature between us. I preen like a cat around him, because I know he loves to watch me be girlie. He hugs and squeezes me every chance he gets, because he knows I love being touched by him. I can't imagine letting someone into my private world the way I have with Scott. I don't think I'd even want to bother investing that much in another human being.
Scott is the man I believe can handle dreaming his own myth, like I am dreaming mine. I did not want a normal obituary. Survived by, blah blah blah. I wanted a life like Oscar Wilde, not always pleasant, but goddamn it, well-lived. I'm not proud of a lot of my mistakes, but I'm proud I haven't lived a cowardly life. I'm proud I live by my terms, and so does Scott.
Joseph Campbell speaks of following your bliss, and I believe that is a life worth leading. Scott agrees. We have done so many amazing things together that we should not have been able to afford, but happened into amazing opportunities that would not have been there at any other time. We are planning for two weeks in Europe this September to celebrate our ten year anniversary. Logistically, it should be a bitch to pull off. But I know from previous experience that all we have to do is mark the days off, and things will be paid for and ready when the date rolls around. Sounds crazy, but you know what? It worked the last four times we went to Europe. We lucked into cheap flights, pre-paid for our hotel rooms months in advance, and basically saved for food and fun. Works every time.
I guess what I'm saying is live large, take chances, and don't shoot for the middle. I don't have to be the best author ever. Just one of the best. I don't want to be word famous or rich, I want to be the kind of person I would be jazzed to meet. Someone self possessed, articulate, educated, fun, spontaneous, and fearless. Someone unafraid of the world and all its joys and sorrows. Someone drinking from the cup of life unapologetically and sucking the juice from every moment!
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