The Challenge

Dear Gentle Readers:

I have issued myself a challenge in the spirit of getting shit done these days! I gave myself 25 minutes to write a blog without stopping and bothering to edit myself. Well, I'll copyedit but I plan to let the hair down. Back up boys, I'm taking my bra off and getting comfortable. DO you know why I addressed you as "Gentle Reader"? That is how the Marquis de Sade addressed his porn to his audience...Dear Gentle Reader... As if anything was gentle was to follow! I do have a theory about de Sade's actual thrust of subject (pun intended). I think he was disguising his political views with rampant porn. Every sex scene seemed to have a discussion on personal freedom before, during or after in his collected works. I think he draped tits all over his work to keep the prudes out of it; state his views on revolution; and still keep his head. It still backfired on him, he ended getting locked up. He lived, but not really.

Anyway! That is not my point today. My point today is stress management. Robert took me aside and told me how proud he was of me, not wigging out with food, and working out all the time. I couldn't help but laugh. I had to confess to him I was in what I call my "fuck-it" freefall. I'm late on rent, my first two weekends were light, people rescheduled, and were sick. Just stuff, you know, stuff that can't be helped. And suddenly I'm angry at myself for "wasting money" on groceries. Robert thinks I'm so Zen, and truthfully I struggled the past two days to bring myself to a place of "I can't think of or do one more thing to help this situation. I'm giving it to the universe to solve, and I'll just do a good job with what I'm doing at the moment"

We are out of the hole today, just like I knew we would be, but it will still be the freaking 17th before I hand over my rent check. My landlord has to be over this by now. He is the dentist that owns the office behind us that faces Redondo. He always takes forever to cash the checks, so obviously my check gets tossed into a pile of checks at his office to be deposited whenever, but I a still feel like crap for not getting my check in by the 3rd of the month.

That is one of my new goals this year. To get rent paid by the 3rd, to save to pay taxes quarterly, and to pay off debt aggressively. Freakin' blah!! What stirring goals. I'm trying to pay my bills like an adult. Lofty goals coming from a 38 year old. I really feel like I should have my shit together way more than I do.

BUt my stress management point was this: in the eye of the storm there is calm. When stuff is all everyday normal stuff, I get all anxious. But when I'm completely out of answers, when I have no reserves of cash to pillage, when I know I'm going to just have to eat that late fee I get all relaxed. It's like being hogtied by life, struggling just makes the rope tighter, so you might as well go limp and conserve your energy, so you can give life a swift kick in nuts and run off when the opportunity presents itself.

Rock Your Day,

<3 Eda