Am I NInja Warrior or Ninja Wimp?
I saw on G4 that American Ninja Warrior tryouts have come back around. Scott looked at me and asked:
"So, have you dispensed with that adventure or are you going to sign up?"
I haven't worked out in over a week, and only sporadically before that. You know, just enough to realize how much I suck right now. I remember being solid this time last year. I was doing two hour workouts on Sunday mornings that stripped every idea from me of what I could and could not do as a former fat girl. Kim would outline our two hour mega journey of running jumping lifting weights, bear crawling, and plank/burpee combos. Just an absolute frenzy of non-stop "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Seriously, I would bark with laughter when she'd describe what we were doing that day. It sounded that absurd. Sure, I'm going to run down the beach, stop to flail about for about 5 minutes (laughingly called strength training. I called it using my body weight to strip every last iota of energy out of me then flinging back into running or shuffling along in a sweat induced stupor) then when I reach the end, I'm going to do 5 laps on the beach stairs all the way back...in two hours. She would grin at me, and say,
"Yep, now get out of here."
She would point resolutely toward the beach path. We's start jogging. There was 6 of us usually. Some were doing marathons, some were hiking a mountain in Washington, and the rest of us were in Tough Mudder training. We all were at different physical levels, and all of us cheered for each other. We high fived, we screamed encouragement on the way by. If I glanced up and saw another agonized face bouncing toward me, I'd scream,
"You're DOING it! You're fucking awesome!"
Sometimes I'd get a weak whoop or a breathless "You Too!"
I was always last at workout, but I always did it. But even with that. Despite having finished the Tough Mudder later that year, I don't think I can do Ninja Warrior. I can't even do a full push up and it's been two years. I'll be 40 this year, my left thigh is trashed and I'm still not sure exactly what is going on with it so I can rehab it. AM I making it worse or am I building it up??? I don't know! Can I logistically lose enough weight to be able to lift my own body weight. Can a woman build enough upper body strength to lift herself? Strike that, CAN I? I don't know. I just don't bloody know.
I want to finish my books, I want to write regularly and begin to support my family with my writing. I want a following on Cracked.com, maybe a political blog like my opinion pages at Chapman. Am I diverting myself with this nigh impossible physical request of myself?
This means so much to me because I have a mythic view of my life. For such a fact based personality, I have a very folklorish way of choosing my path. Repetitive signs, birds, phrases, things that strike me as significant in my own mythology affect my path.
When I was a child, my nickname was Bunny. My maiden name was Easter. That's right, Bunny Easter. Yes, it was painful. I was a dour child obsessed with social injustice and 70s horror films. Being referred to as a fluffy woodland creature was so undignified, so demeaning, I would choke on my own bile when I heard it. Yes, I was a complete pain in the ass. One of those short party poopers with a gimlet stare and zero sense of humor. Hard to believe isn't it. I was no fun at all.
People gave me rabbits of every description. Tons were pastel nightmares, but there were also a core collection of really amazing pieces. I have a rabbit carved from the ash of Mt. St. Helen's volcanic eruption. I have porcelain one from China. One of my most treasured rabbits was a pen and ink my father did of Usagi Johimbo, ronin samurai rabbit. Usagi was one of the few badass rabbits I'd ever seen. Dad introduced me to him when I was about 9(that would have been about 1982). He gave me Usagi #1 graphic novel when we were at Comic-Con in Dallas.
Usagi is a sparsely drawn, classic Japanese fairy tale based graphic novel by Stan Sakai. It has won awards for its awesomeness. It well drawn, well told, and just all around well done. It taught me the code of the bushido, the difference between a katana and shirikin, and the tortured honor of a masterless samurai. Think kung fu meets watership down. This was a profound character in my childhood, eclipsing Bugs Bunny easily.
I never imagined competing when I first started watching Ninja Warrior. It evolved over the last three years to a challenge to hold a physical first somewhere, and being the first woman to beat the first level of Ninja Warrior would be amazing.
But can I?
Can I run up a 14ft wall?
Can I lift my own body weight?
Can I face my fear of ridicule and failure?
Can I face quitting after working so hard it for two years?
I really don't have an answer for any of these questions...
"So, have you dispensed with that adventure or are you going to sign up?"
I haven't worked out in over a week, and only sporadically before that. You know, just enough to realize how much I suck right now. I remember being solid this time last year. I was doing two hour workouts on Sunday mornings that stripped every idea from me of what I could and could not do as a former fat girl. Kim would outline our two hour mega journey of running jumping lifting weights, bear crawling, and plank/burpee combos. Just an absolute frenzy of non-stop "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Seriously, I would bark with laughter when she'd describe what we were doing that day. It sounded that absurd. Sure, I'm going to run down the beach, stop to flail about for about 5 minutes (laughingly called strength training. I called it using my body weight to strip every last iota of energy out of me then flinging back into running or shuffling along in a sweat induced stupor) then when I reach the end, I'm going to do 5 laps on the beach stairs all the way back...in two hours. She would grin at me, and say,
"Yep, now get out of here."
She would point resolutely toward the beach path. We's start jogging. There was 6 of us usually. Some were doing marathons, some were hiking a mountain in Washington, and the rest of us were in Tough Mudder training. We all were at different physical levels, and all of us cheered for each other. We high fived, we screamed encouragement on the way by. If I glanced up and saw another agonized face bouncing toward me, I'd scream,
"You're DOING it! You're fucking awesome!"
Sometimes I'd get a weak whoop or a breathless "You Too!"
I was always last at workout, but I always did it. But even with that. Despite having finished the Tough Mudder later that year, I don't think I can do Ninja Warrior. I can't even do a full push up and it's been two years. I'll be 40 this year, my left thigh is trashed and I'm still not sure exactly what is going on with it so I can rehab it. AM I making it worse or am I building it up??? I don't know! Can I logistically lose enough weight to be able to lift my own body weight. Can a woman build enough upper body strength to lift herself? Strike that, CAN I? I don't know. I just don't bloody know.
I want to finish my books, I want to write regularly and begin to support my family with my writing. I want a following on Cracked.com, maybe a political blog like my opinion pages at Chapman. Am I diverting myself with this nigh impossible physical request of myself?
This means so much to me because I have a mythic view of my life. For such a fact based personality, I have a very folklorish way of choosing my path. Repetitive signs, birds, phrases, things that strike me as significant in my own mythology affect my path.
When I was a child, my nickname was Bunny. My maiden name was Easter. That's right, Bunny Easter. Yes, it was painful. I was a dour child obsessed with social injustice and 70s horror films. Being referred to as a fluffy woodland creature was so undignified, so demeaning, I would choke on my own bile when I heard it. Yes, I was a complete pain in the ass. One of those short party poopers with a gimlet stare and zero sense of humor. Hard to believe isn't it. I was no fun at all.
People gave me rabbits of every description. Tons were pastel nightmares, but there were also a core collection of really amazing pieces. I have a rabbit carved from the ash of Mt. St. Helen's volcanic eruption. I have porcelain one from China. One of my most treasured rabbits was a pen and ink my father did of Usagi Johimbo, ronin samurai rabbit. Usagi was one of the few badass rabbits I'd ever seen. Dad introduced me to him when I was about 9(that would have been about 1982). He gave me Usagi #1 graphic novel when we were at Comic-Con in Dallas.
Usagi is a sparsely drawn, classic Japanese fairy tale based graphic novel by Stan Sakai. It has won awards for its awesomeness. It well drawn, well told, and just all around well done. It taught me the code of the bushido, the difference between a katana and shirikin, and the tortured honor of a masterless samurai. Think kung fu meets watership down. This was a profound character in my childhood, eclipsing Bugs Bunny easily.
I never imagined competing when I first started watching Ninja Warrior. It evolved over the last three years to a challenge to hold a physical first somewhere, and being the first woman to beat the first level of Ninja Warrior would be amazing.
But can I?
Can I run up a 14ft wall?
Can I lift my own body weight?
Can I face my fear of ridicule and failure?
Can I face quitting after working so hard it for two years?
I really don't have an answer for any of these questions...
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