Nonstop action and the art of sitting still

Scott went to his lead singer's birthday at Di Piazzas and they ended up playing a few sets with other band members that showed up. I went up to the club to watch him. It was awesome to see my Jimi Hendrix again. Scott hasn't played in forever.

It's so hard to be a partner when your sweetie just decides to check out for, oh say about three years! It has been one thing after another. His mom died, he finished college, he quit playing music, he quit going out except to work or go to his sister's house to play D&D with the same guys he has played with since high school, and he has not got a new job, the one he has is contract part-time work. All he wants to do is play that stupid Final Fantasy game. He won't step away from it when they are on a "quest". I'll ask for help or ask him to come to the store with me and he'll tell me he can't because "People are depending on me. They're waiting on me. I'm in the middle of something..." et al. AT least now he gives me a time window. That was our compromise.

I talked myself hoarse explaining that none of what he is spending an obscene amount of time on matters. It's all digitized bullshit, that he is running an imaginary maze that is built to waste time and send him after imaginary cheese. This could be said about all of us, I guess.

He does do the dishes and picks up the house. He doesn't cheat on me or try to control me. He loves me and he loves my body. All my struggles with weight, and all my workouts mean nothing to him. He views it with the same sense of mystification that I view his incessant game playing. He hugs, grabs whatever available bits of me are to be had, and squeezes them with sheer joy. He loves and cuddles the dog daily. He bops around the house and sings piffy songs to the dog. And when he is sleeping, most of the time I want to kiss the end of his nose, instead of hold a pillow over his face. SO, I guess that is marriage, you deal with it.

Anyway, I'm watching Scott play Saturday night in a friend's living room after we left Di Pi's, and I am taken with how absorbed he is in the music, how he has become part of a multi limbed organism that is just playing to play. People sprawl all around the musical group and watch with adoration. I was sitting in the back, just watching all this. I had things I needed to do, but I decided to hell with it. I had worked every day but Wednesday. I've done so much lately, I feel like I'm chasing my own tail. But at that moment I was happy to be sitting still with a mild beer buzz, and watch my husband shred on the guitar.

If he didn't have that ability to focus on something above all else, he wouldn't be able to play music. His Final Fantasy time is no worse than all the millions of ways I find to waste my time. John Lennon once said "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted"