Mudder musings: The Sticking Point

Wow. I can't fully express the craziness of Tough Mudder. I still can't believe I finished it. I couldn't even run a full mile and I walked/jogged/climbed 10 miles yesterday.

We arrived Saturday night, and ate a crapload of spaghetti. There was a lot of chatter, but we settled down and were in bed by 11pm. We showed up at the parking lot of Snow Valley around 8:30am. It was like a concert, groups of people of showed up in matching tutus, shirts, and costumes. There were a plethora of mohawks especially for the race(there was an award for the best one).

We gathered together before the race and took pictures. I hugged Scott, and my friends Zoey and Nick, who drove all the way from LA! We lined up behind an 8ft wooden wall, and waited for the signal to begin. We had to climb the wall to get to the pit. It was a team building moment. To have people sit on the wall and help pull people over who couldn't get over on their own. I bruised the shit out of my left hand doing the wall. I was so mad at that, my first bruise and the whistle hadn't even been blown. The MC was awesome. He had us kneel, chant together, wave our hands in the air, swear to the tough mudder oath. We got hyped up and hooted like monkeys.

They started the race, and we started the slow glide forward. We got to the base of the Mountain and everyone pulled ahead of me. And I do mean everyone. We started obstacle 1 The Death March. The one girl climbing beside me crapped out halfway to the top. I gave her some water and tried to get her to keep going. She waved me away. I gave her a thumbs up and kept going up. I rounded the top and started to come back down. I stopped at the top and thought,'What the fuck?'

I was looking straight down a sandy rocky drop at a 45 degree angle, so I went sideways and tried to move down carefully. I saw people running down it while I was climbing up. I kept sliding and scuttling. I finally gave up, sat on my heels, and surfed down. I used my hands to guide me. It just seemed faster and safer. I was shaking by the time I got to the bottom of the hill. I started jogging to the next obstacle: Arctic Enema.

AE is a large rectangle filled with ice and water with a wall you have to dip your head underwater to get under. Sounds easy doesn't it? Yeah? Go try it sometime. I almost shit myself when I jumped in. Every organ I had climbed into my ribcage to escape the 32 degree water. Cold cold cold cold, holy crapola, cold!!!!!!!!!!! Can't breathe, can't hold breath to dip under, only can make a desperate "Uh,uh,uh!" noise. I have never felt such an explosion of full body scream like that.

Brian and Kim had to drag me out. I followed them stumbling, and gasping. We made it up and around two inclines then jogged down to the Kiss of Mud. I was still shaking from the ice bath and shock. The K o M is a puddle of muddy water over gravel with barbed wire strung over it. I knelt in the water and pulled myself forward with hands, letting my legs float behind me. I was craning my head up to keep my chin out of the water. I was so out of breath, I was struggling to breathe. My camelpak was pushing against the back of my head, making hard to keep out of the water. My team cheered me as I stood up. I got a round of high fives and they took off. I met them at the bottom of the hill to do the Berlin Wall.

My friend Nick videoed me trying to do the wall. I failed three times to hop up assisted by Brian and Cesar. It feels weird for me to watch myself struggle on the video. I had to stop lean against the wall, and struggle to calm my breathing, there was so much fear, and so much adrenaline. The first wall I struggled up then the second wall I hopped up. I had the rhythm of the jump. My left inner thigh is a purple bruise to my ankle. I dropped over the other side, and we took off again. We grouped on the Electric Eel...

Which I skipped. I watched everyone go through and thought, 'Oh hell, no!' It was a repeat of the Kiss of Mud with dangling bits of electric wires. I got a big round ass. I was not sucking water in while getting shocked. I walked around it, took my camelpak from Zoey. Kissed and hugged her and Nick. My team took off.

Slowing down to wait for someone kills your energy level and your momentum. I get that. Seeing them go was a little scary, but they left with my blessing. People flooded around me. I set myself to the sticking point and kept trudging. The altitude was a silent killer. I had to stop and calm my breathing. It took at least four deep breaths to bring my heart rate down. We started a zigzag pattern up the mountain.

I saw a female marine on the hill. She was shouting encouragement. I was about 300 yds away when she leaped down and jogged to me. She told me she had done the challenge the day before. I made it to the water station, downed two glasses. She told me I had an easy flat half mile to jog then a bit of hill with a great view. The lake came into view on my left. I ran maybe 500 yds and came to a 45 degree sandy hill I had scrabble up. There was a girl in a blue shirt who pulled me up the last bit. It was hard, but I made it.

Then there were the water hazards. The floating tunnels were first. I jogged toward it struggling to breathe normally. I dropped my bag, hat, and sunglasses next to a tree and waded into the water. It was cold. Everyone kept talking about how good the water felt, how 'refreshing'. I kept wanting to scream 'Fuck Off! I'm freezing, FREEZING, DO YOU HEAR ME?' I could not shake the chills from the Arctic Enema. I ducked under the three barrel rafts floating ahead of me. I was shaking and trying to control my fear of putting my head under water while I still wanted to gasp for breath. I dragged my dripping carcass from the water, and squished to the other side of the lake to the next obstacle Walk the Plank.

Fuck. Oi vey. OMFG. There was what looked like wooden wall with three 1 x 2 s nailed to it at 3 ft intervals laying against a gallows where people were leaping 15 ft into the lake water. I jogged to the wall, kicked as much mud as I could off the 1x2s and crawled up. I stood up. I could see most of the course around me. I realized I was the last. Seriously, the last fucking person on the course. They closing the obstacles behind me. I tried not to let it rattle me, but it did. I was always last in PE at school, I'm last in workouts, and now I paid to be behind 500 people. I was the last yet again. I struggled with myself and my breathing. Knowing the people around me were waiting for me to go so they could leave just made it even harder. I crossed my arms and jumped in. And almost died...

One of my earliest memories is falling out of my little primary colored lifesaver off the end of a boat ramp. My mom was at the end of the dock, like 200 yards away. I remember just falling out of the ring of safety before I could take a breath, I floated to bottom, pushed with my little legs, made it to the top of the water, and howled for Mom. I went under at least three times before I was snatched out of the water by my frantic mother.

I was reminded of this when I plunged in that water. I had no reserve of breath, my camelpak filled with water, and my shoes filled. I could feel myself dragging down. I struggled upward. When I broke the surface of the water, there was a life guard in front of me. He pushed a red floaty at me. I grabbed it and heard myself making those frightened "uh,uh,uh!" noises. I tried to flap my feet hard enough to boost me up. I let go of the floaty and started sink again. Damn camelpak! The lifeguard flashed me a wry grin while I flapped like a pissed goose trying to get that damn pak off my bag. It was making it impossible to crane my head back so I could breathe. I held it with one hand and swam sideways to the shore.

Now I was pissed. I grew up swimming. I took a swim class in college, I grew up with a pool most of my life. I CAN SWIM!! Why was I struggling? I shuffled to the next obstacle. A huge rope strung back across the lake. I grabbed the rope lowered myself and struggled to relax my legs and just use my upper body across the lake. I pulled myself out of the water once more. I shuffled down the trail.

The five girls who were ahead of me were down in a mud pit crawling under a cargo net. I looked down and could not fathom going into the water one more time. Every time I had hit the water so far was a full body shock. I was rattled and couldn't shake it. I couldn't face water one more time. I had to dry out. I also had the knowledge that I had to hit the midpoint soon or be escorted from the course. Nobody was walking me off of anything after I had suffered what I had suffered so far.

Liz's brother Shorty waved at me frantically on the trail. It was time for me to Hold My Own Wood. Piles of timber awaited. I had to choose a log and haul it a 1/2 mile up and down a rocky messed up hill. Shorty ran up and told me everyone else had gone ahead to finish the race. I was shaken. I looked up the hill. I was on my own. Shorty put his hand on my arm. He smiled and said, "Take your time, I'm here. We can do this."

A pair of EMTs pulled up on an ATV. I was scared they were here to tell me I was too slow. The guy told me I had passed the halfway point on the way up the hill. Shorty patted me on the back. I choose a log and trudged up the hill. Shorty offered to carry my log when I stopped to breath. I told him thank you from the bottom of my heart, but I was carrying my own log. The EMTs kept a 20 yard distance but they were behind the whole damn time in case I dropped and died. A little nerve wracking. They would radio every time I passed something, and they would shut it down.

I rolled past the trench warfare obstacle. I didn't have the nerve to crawl 50 yds through a muddy hole. I thanked the people at the water station for waiting for me. They shook my hand and wished me well. They told me to just finish. Shorty was my ginger Jiminy cricket. He was nothing but patience. He didn't heckle me to go faster. He would just climb a few yards ahead of me and perch on a rock to watch me. That was perfect. I couldn't handle a drill Sargent, and a chirpy little asshole would have made it a murder/suicide.

My worst moment hadn't even happened yet. That was the cliffhanger, a 1/2 mile jagged rocky gravel scree. I thanked the heavens Kim had us doing hours of bear crawls. The five girls that were around me dwindled down to two. Brittney and Kelcie. Brittney's crew pulled ahead of her, and she was a dusty mess sitting on a rock. Kelcie was a 24hr fitness trainer whose buddies came up with this awesome idea then all of them proceeded to douche out until she was the only one who actually signed up. She was grim and sarcastic. I loved her. She would crawl a little while then stop to cling to the hill.

I kept having to stop and tremble. I was petrified, but after the first 20 feet, going back down was not option, it waaaay too steep. The only way out was up. I would lunge upward for awhile, digging my hands in the dirt and hauling myself up. The last of the competitors were making it up and pulling ahead. It was just us three, with Shorty leaping from rock to rock like a goddamned mountain goat. I would stop and weep breathlessly for a few moments. I had to cough because I couldn't breath. I was terrified. Now I just wanted it to be over, but al lthere was to do it. I got to the top and looked down. It was the side of a bloody mountain.

Kelcie and Brittney stood at the top panting. We shook hands and introduced each other. Shorty broke out mini gatorade bottles. We agreed to finish together. Brittney ripped a sign out of the ground the that said "No Mudder left behind!" We walked to the downhill part that sucked almost as bad going up. The EMTs gave us thumbs up at the bottom. THey were a soundtrack, and distant engine dogging our steps. Shorty helped us at the Berlin Wall, scouted ahead on the lumber jack to help us find our paths over the logs. I skipped the greased slide. I couldn't face hitting that water. Shorty was shocked. he wanted me to go in. I shivered at the thought. The other two did it. I knew I had just enough to finish the race.

We walked down the hill to the last water station and I saw two people walking toward me waving their arms. It was Nick and Zoey. I hugged them to me and started crying. That someone came back to check on me meant so much. I introduced them to the girls. Scott walked up, along with the rest of my team. They took about 4.5 hours to finish. It took me 6.75 hours. I walked, crawled, and jogged for almost seven hours. They told me I couldn't get my headband unless I did the last obstacle. The electroshock therapy.

There was a fan blowing icy water to get to the EST. There was a curtain of yellow electric lines over three hay hurdles with muddy water in between. I stomped through the icy water. Angry at how much it made me cringe. I stood on the first hay bale, waited for a breeze to sweep the naked wires outward then covered my face and ran through it all. Kelcie followed. Brittney wigged out. The MC ran through the wires backward grabbed her and dragged her through with us screaming her on. We ended with a group hug. The race photographer took a picture of us running across the finish line holding hands.

I was one of the last three. A dubious honor for sure, but I did it. I'm disappointed I skipped obstacles, but I'm amazed at the ones I did. I hated how frightened I was. I'm proud I did it anyway. My left foot is swollen through the top of it, the leg is covered in bruises. My elbows are scraped. But I did not twist my ankles (a minor miracle). I didn't fall other than on my butt which is well padded anyway. I don't know if I'll ever do something like this again. I got my orange headband. I did not puss out, but I would have never made it without Shorty walking with me through it. My friends coming out to meet me made the last mile bearable.

I did it. I worked out consistently, I prepared, and I didn't quit. I had the heart, I had the grit. I am a Tough Mudder. HUAA!