Blocked-Blocked-Blocked

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Everybody sing it with me, and sway your mugs! "Wriiiiiiiiiiiiiter's BlooooooCK, Yeewwwwwwwwwwww Suck Cock!" I need to get 6 pages out of the bong resined brain of mine. 6 pages about rats no less!! I want to go on too many tangents, I psyche myself by saying that I haven't done enough research on yada yada, I need to look up this or that. Bullshit! I need to write, I know I'll come up with something I do know about. I'm still conflicted about contacting my friend. I'm going to thank her for the return of my things because it would be shitty not to. I can salvage that friendship, but do I want to. I feel emotionally spent these days. I have been feeling my mortality more and more. I feel old, out of date. I lost all this weight and I feel disappointed that this is me still. I knew it would be, but my ass fell, I still have a belly I'm always going to have. My husband loves it. He says its soft and squeezable. He always wants to rub his face on it. It is so hard to let him. I have so many issues about my belly being touched. It hurts, and it is so ugly, a wrinkly bag of flesh. That is so wrong. I'm leaving it because I felt it, but now I'm angry I feel that way. When I'm standing, yes I have a tummy. I have a poochie tummy. it is heart shaped backed by a muscular body. It looks like the tummy you see on Greek statues. It's womanly, its normal, and it is me. I'm not ugly. I'm painfully shy about my body, but my body is not ugly! It is 180lbs lighter, it is muscular, it has biked two marathons, and is seriously considering a tri-athlon. Goddess, I need help in the head.

Comments

  1. DebNovember 6, 2009 at 6:49 PM

    Give yourself permission to write a shitty first draft. Don't worry if it sucks, just keep writing.

    Also, I find that if I sit down with a cup of tea and picture my scene -- really put myself into the scene, then I can work through it!

    ReplyDelete

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