It's okay to be weak.
Oh. My. God.
I suck.
When did I start sucking this hard?
Left, right, left, right--wait? What are we doing now?
Agh, goddamn I hate my feet. They are so in the way.
How long are we doing this damn step?
And stretch.
Holy crap, how long have I missed shaving this patch of hair behind my knee?
This is literally the internal dialogue I had with myself while doing a 30 minute belly dance/Pilates video.I found on You Tube.
Why, you ask?
I have a herniated disc in my lumbar spine. It's a pain that I now know has been plaguing me for over a decade. I need to rehab after spending the last three months getting functional. In August I was using a cane because I was in such pain. I used massage and acupuncture to get better. I started swimming then got a shooting pain in my left shoulder. Had to modify my swim stroke. I trying to pick up my bellydancing practice again. I hated performing, but I loved dancing. It taught me posture, breathing, and muscle isolations that I still use in yoga.
It's been forever. I forgot what an amazing workout it is. Suhalia Salimpour has all kinds of stuff on You Tube. I just picked something and did it. I am sitting here six hours later, in my massage room. My buttocks feel like they are becoming concrete. My left ear is ringing from my tight neck. The ab work I did today was insane, and I did most of it with my arms raised overhead in what I like to call vase pose, as in you should be on one or holding one in this pose. The lower half of my ribs are screaming, on both sides.
The worst thing to push through was the wailing in my head. I had to stay focused on my back, and if I was straining it, since I was working later. A couple of times I had to stop to roll out my lower back.
I was angry.
I was embarrassed.
I hated myself for blowing off regular workouts, and injuring myself with sporadic efforts.
Blame. Blame. Blame.
I hated myself for being injured. I hated myself for being weak.
And that is just ridiculous. Recovery only begins when I acknowledge I can't do everything, or be everything all the time. Right now I need to accept what I can do, not be disappointed with what I can't.
It's hard to do.
I suck.
When did I start sucking this hard?
Left, right, left, right--wait? What are we doing now?
Agh, goddamn I hate my feet. They are so in the way.
How long are we doing this damn step?
And stretch.
Holy crap, how long have I missed shaving this patch of hair behind my knee?
This is literally the internal dialogue I had with myself while doing a 30 minute belly dance/Pilates video.I found on You Tube.
Why, you ask?
I have a herniated disc in my lumbar spine. It's a pain that I now know has been plaguing me for over a decade. I need to rehab after spending the last three months getting functional. In August I was using a cane because I was in such pain. I used massage and acupuncture to get better. I started swimming then got a shooting pain in my left shoulder. Had to modify my swim stroke. I trying to pick up my bellydancing practice again. I hated performing, but I loved dancing. It taught me posture, breathing, and muscle isolations that I still use in yoga.
It's been forever. I forgot what an amazing workout it is. Suhalia Salimpour has all kinds of stuff on You Tube. I just picked something and did it. I am sitting here six hours later, in my massage room. My buttocks feel like they are becoming concrete. My left ear is ringing from my tight neck. The ab work I did today was insane, and I did most of it with my arms raised overhead in what I like to call vase pose, as in you should be on one or holding one in this pose. The lower half of my ribs are screaming, on both sides.
The worst thing to push through was the wailing in my head. I had to stay focused on my back, and if I was straining it, since I was working later. A couple of times I had to stop to roll out my lower back.
I was angry.
I was embarrassed.
I hated myself for blowing off regular workouts, and injuring myself with sporadic efforts.
Blame. Blame. Blame.
I hated myself for being injured. I hated myself for being weak.
And that is just ridiculous. Recovery only begins when I acknowledge I can't do everything, or be everything all the time. Right now I need to accept what I can do, not be disappointed with what I can't.
It's hard to do.
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