Piff's Big Adventure
So, Scott had this gig at Malone's June 27. I'm partying, eating street tacos on the smoking patio in back of bar, and I get this text:
Kirsten: Found Schultz in driveway. Put him back in house. Can't find how he got out.
Me: OMG Thank you!!! Will check fence tomorrow.
That should have been it. It wasn't. The next morning I'm walking Schultz before a busy ass day at the spa, and a neighbor on the corner comes running out of his house, waving his arms.
"Eda! Eda! Wait! Oh thank God Schultz is still alive!?"
I squint at him, fighting my hangover to understand what he just said.
"Whaddya mean, 'Thank God he's alive!'?"
His eyes were huge. "YOU didn't notice he was out last night?"
"I got a text that Kirsten found him in the driveway and put him in the house. I think we accidentally locked him out when Scott was loading the amps and guitar."
Sean shook his head. "Holy shit. You have no idea what your dog got up to last night, do you?"
I look down at Schultz, whose tongue is lolling out of chill doggy grin. His tail was at half mast, wagging slowly. Just a general air of "Huh, who? What, me? No way."
I look back at Sean, who proceeds to tell me things that gave me nightmares for days. I felt like the mom from Home Alone. Worst mom EVER!
Sean's Story:
"So, I see Schultz wandering down Coronado and I think 'I know that dog. He's not supposed to be out.' So I call to him and he starts jogging away from me. Another neighbor sees him and starts approach. Schultz ducks and weaves then runs up the street. A guy peeps his head over the third floor balcony of the apartments and yells he has binoculars. I run to my car, and the other guy jumps in his and the guy on the balcony is yelling out where Schultz has taken off to. Down 4th street. So, I'm behind him flashing my lights and honking my horn. Some lady almost clipped him on Redondo but I blew through the red light blaring my horn and she saw him just in time."
At this point my heart is pounding and I'm thinking 'He fucking what?!?!"
Sean continues:
"So I'm driving down the middle of 4th, A guy in a red Camaro starts working with us and we try to corral him against some parked cars. This bitch, and I don't use that word lightly. I mean it. She was a total cunt. She jumps out of her car and starts screaming at us for blocking the road. Schultz escapes while we are arguing with her. He bolts down Ximeno towards 7th."
I look down at Schultz whose tail is wagging. He looks bored. I ask him what the fuck he was thinking? He just licks his nose and looks away. I hug my neighbor and thank him profusely for risking life and limb to rescue him. Sean accepts my hug, but says
"Wait, it gets better. He ends up running down the double yellow line on 7th street. It's 7:30pm on a Saturday, and there are tons of idiots on the road. We are following him and flashing our lights. If it was night I don't think there is any way he would of made it. Thank God it was still daylight. And man he was booking it. He was passing cars left and right. That dog is fast. He ran up your driveway to the back stairs and he looked like he was staying. But I love the little guy. I was so petrified he was going to get hit."
At this point the hangover has been eclipsed by a full on panic attack as I imagine poor little Schultz feeling like Frankenstein's monster fleeing the villagers. Because Sean is a glass half full kind of guy, he adds:
"It's good you walk him as much as you do. He stayed on the sidewalks a lot and used the crosswalks on Redondo. Too bad he's color blind because he totally blew through the lights."
Fuck me! I wanted to faint. But next Amber alert I'm calling Sean, because those boys can throw together a hell of a posse in minutes apparently. It's nice to have neighbors that care. But I have to say:
A. It's foolish to try and catch a sheep herding dog, without at least a tranq gun and a net. They are like lightening. What fools these mortals be.
B. If they hadn't approached Schultz he probably would have gone to sleep on the porch until we got home. He's a pretty smart boy.
I didn't have the heart to point these things out to Sean. It sounded like he had too much fun giving Schultz an impromptu police escort down 7th street.
Kirsten: Found Schultz in driveway. Put him back in house. Can't find how he got out.
Me: OMG Thank you!!! Will check fence tomorrow.
That should have been it. It wasn't. The next morning I'm walking Schultz before a busy ass day at the spa, and a neighbor on the corner comes running out of his house, waving his arms.
"Eda! Eda! Wait! Oh thank God Schultz is still alive!?"
I squint at him, fighting my hangover to understand what he just said.
"Whaddya mean, 'Thank God he's alive!'?"
His eyes were huge. "YOU didn't notice he was out last night?"
"I got a text that Kirsten found him in the driveway and put him in the house. I think we accidentally locked him out when Scott was loading the amps and guitar."
Sean shook his head. "Holy shit. You have no idea what your dog got up to last night, do you?"
I look down at Schultz, whose tongue is lolling out of chill doggy grin. His tail was at half mast, wagging slowly. Just a general air of "Huh, who? What, me? No way."
I look back at Sean, who proceeds to tell me things that gave me nightmares for days. I felt like the mom from Home Alone. Worst mom EVER!
Sean's Story:
"So, I see Schultz wandering down Coronado and I think 'I know that dog. He's not supposed to be out.' So I call to him and he starts jogging away from me. Another neighbor sees him and starts approach. Schultz ducks and weaves then runs up the street. A guy peeps his head over the third floor balcony of the apartments and yells he has binoculars. I run to my car, and the other guy jumps in his and the guy on the balcony is yelling out where Schultz has taken off to. Down 4th street. So, I'm behind him flashing my lights and honking my horn. Some lady almost clipped him on Redondo but I blew through the red light blaring my horn and she saw him just in time."
At this point my heart is pounding and I'm thinking 'He fucking what?!?!"
Sean continues:
"So I'm driving down the middle of 4th, A guy in a red Camaro starts working with us and we try to corral him against some parked cars. This bitch, and I don't use that word lightly. I mean it. She was a total cunt. She jumps out of her car and starts screaming at us for blocking the road. Schultz escapes while we are arguing with her. He bolts down Ximeno towards 7th."
I look down at Schultz whose tail is wagging. He looks bored. I ask him what the fuck he was thinking? He just licks his nose and looks away. I hug my neighbor and thank him profusely for risking life and limb to rescue him. Sean accepts my hug, but says
"Wait, it gets better. He ends up running down the double yellow line on 7th street. It's 7:30pm on a Saturday, and there are tons of idiots on the road. We are following him and flashing our lights. If it was night I don't think there is any way he would of made it. Thank God it was still daylight. And man he was booking it. He was passing cars left and right. That dog is fast. He ran up your driveway to the back stairs and he looked like he was staying. But I love the little guy. I was so petrified he was going to get hit."
At this point the hangover has been eclipsed by a full on panic attack as I imagine poor little Schultz feeling like Frankenstein's monster fleeing the villagers. Because Sean is a glass half full kind of guy, he adds:
"It's good you walk him as much as you do. He stayed on the sidewalks a lot and used the crosswalks on Redondo. Too bad he's color blind because he totally blew through the lights."
Fuck me! I wanted to faint. But next Amber alert I'm calling Sean, because those boys can throw together a hell of a posse in minutes apparently. It's nice to have neighbors that care. But I have to say:
A. It's foolish to try and catch a sheep herding dog, without at least a tranq gun and a net. They are like lightening. What fools these mortals be.
B. If they hadn't approached Schultz he probably would have gone to sleep on the porch until we got home. He's a pretty smart boy.
I didn't have the heart to point these things out to Sean. It sounded like he had too much fun giving Schultz an impromptu police escort down 7th street.
Omg I laughed so hard. Read it to Daddy as he is shaking his head and petting Roofie. So reminds me of the stories you would tell me of Rivashaun park in Dallas and the olds. I would just cringe Andean.Stop stop my heart can't take it
ReplyDeleteJust read this... LOL I get it now. I know how it feels to look at someone you care deeply for and think,"How the fuck are you alive?"
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