Emotional Hoarding: The Next Step...
My friend Allie has been telling me for months I've got to go to her energy healer Steve. So, I went to a nice house snuggled back in a chi-chi neighborhood near Seapoint and PCH. We traded. I massaged him on Tuesday night, and he worked on me Wednesday morning.
I'd had a few energetic healings before from my friend Maylei. They were mellow. We'd chat for 30 minutes while sipping tea; set our intentions for the work then I would lay there for 60-90 minutes while Maylei made wafting motions over my body. Sometimes she'd hold my head, sometimes she'd place a hand on my sternum while I did deep breathing, sometimes she'd hold and rock my leg. I've written how I had noticed changes in my body after treatments. I'd notice I could jump farther. My right hip became unglued from itself. It was awesome.
Steve was nothing like Maylei. We had chatted the night before, but nothing in depth. His host Linda had told me how intuitive he was, and how he's known for just knowing things. I decided to just roll with whatever happened. I try to never waste an opportunity to grow or get rid of old junk. Every time someone offers a healing, I go in loaded for bear.
The room he used was a home office, its furniture pushed to the walls. A massage table was set up in the middle with the sheets I brought on the table. I hopped on the table and stared at the array of bottles on the desk. Some I recognized; some I didn't. He smiled when he came into the room. Steve is a dark skinned man in his 50s. He's from Santa Fe NM. He is short and heavily muscled. He could be Mexican, he could be Native American, I didn't ask. He radiates a gentle understanding. I'm not easily comfortable alone around strange men, but I was comfortable with him.
He started with my chest, rubbing oil across it and down one arm. I try to relax and let the music wash over me. He made a few hmmph noises, like a mechanic looking over a car. Then he did a few sharp movements across my wrists and fingers. The tendons made cracking noises. I jumped and yelped. My hands had been getting tighter over the past few months and I was getting scared for my wrists. I feel my wrists open and the flow of blood and lymph through my forearms. We talked for a few seconds. He spoke to me about my childhood. He then placed two fingers at the top left of my breastbone and wiggled a straight line down my ribs. The first time felt like broken glass through the entire area. The second time was less jagged more bruised. By this time I was sobbing.
He worked my legs and hips too. I tried to be as limp as possible. Flexing was not an option. I wept, I clenched my hands, and I tried to breathe through everything I was feeling and thinking. It was more like what I imagine Rolfing to be. Linda, the woman who was sponsoring him while he was in the state, came in with a questioning face. I had thought about trying to be quieter, but suffocating these emotions was how they got jammed in my hips in the first place. She came in and started talking to Steve about his day. She held my hand and stroked my forearm like a mother soothing a child. Their voices murmured above me while I focused on breathing.
Steve paused then started making brisk circles with 4 fingers along the underside of my ribs. It was an incredibly tender area. It was bruised feeling. I've had friends do brisk massage along my ribs, and I've had crazy flu like results of sharp pains and rolling cramps. I wasn't sure if they were gallstones or not, but damn it would hurt. This time it wasn't as sharp but it did hurt. He harumphed and told me I'm storing negative emotions instead of releasing them. I started laughing. I use humor as a defense when I'm in pain. If I'm laughing, I'm not crying. I told him I was emotional hoarder. I saw it in my head. I was surrounded by boxed shitty memories, full of pain and covered in cat turds and full ashtrays. We both laughed. It was intense. the whole treatment.
I went straight to Mother's Market after we were done. He recommended a few things for me to start taking. B spectrum liquid supplement for memory, ashwaghanda tonic for anxiety, cayenne and garlic for anti-inflammatory properties. I was pretty good for a few days. I laid off the caffeine, I tried to not do dairy or fried foods, and not drink sodas. I've wavered quite a bit the past week or so. I'm still trying to take the supplements. It was draining and life changing. I felt deflated for a few days, but deflated in a good way. I felt like I had been running full speed since I decided to go back to college, that was nine years ago. The last few times I've vacationed or done extreme bodywork, my energy level becomes neutral.
I always feel like I'm hyper active and frantic, and struggling not to be OCD. I fight to get out of the house. I'm not agoraphobic, heavens no! Honey, cut me in half and I got "party" written all over the inside. It's getting in the goddamned car without checking to make sure, all the doors are locked, lights are out, nothing out for Piff to eat and choke on, I didn't leave the stove on, I got my lunch/water/sheets/lotion/protein bar etc.etc.etc. When I arrive at work, I have to walk back at least once to see if the car door is locked, even if I looked at it before I walked away. Depending on my stress level that day, I sometimes walk back 2-3 times, usually muttering and snarling at myself that it's locked, I know it's locked, walk away ya goddamn freak, there's nothing in the car to steal, go to work, you're making yourself late, leave, leave, aghhhhhh!!
Yep. I'm crazy. I know it. I don't own guns, I'm not on meds, and I don't smoke crack, so I think I'm dealing with it well. Sadly enough, I know it's all anxiety. My mom has had crippling panic attacks at this age. The women in my family have thyroids that shrivel in their 40s causing all types of hormonal crap. Meds for this stuff cause all kinds of side effects. I'd rather do yoga, exercise, and eat right. It's cheaper too:)
So, it was an amazing experience. Neutral is good. I can think, I can plan, I can hope for better things. I'm trying real hard to hang onto a sense of peace.
I'd had a few energetic healings before from my friend Maylei. They were mellow. We'd chat for 30 minutes while sipping tea; set our intentions for the work then I would lay there for 60-90 minutes while Maylei made wafting motions over my body. Sometimes she'd hold my head, sometimes she'd place a hand on my sternum while I did deep breathing, sometimes she'd hold and rock my leg. I've written how I had noticed changes in my body after treatments. I'd notice I could jump farther. My right hip became unglued from itself. It was awesome.
Steve was nothing like Maylei. We had chatted the night before, but nothing in depth. His host Linda had told me how intuitive he was, and how he's known for just knowing things. I decided to just roll with whatever happened. I try to never waste an opportunity to grow or get rid of old junk. Every time someone offers a healing, I go in loaded for bear.
The room he used was a home office, its furniture pushed to the walls. A massage table was set up in the middle with the sheets I brought on the table. I hopped on the table and stared at the array of bottles on the desk. Some I recognized; some I didn't. He smiled when he came into the room. Steve is a dark skinned man in his 50s. He's from Santa Fe NM. He is short and heavily muscled. He could be Mexican, he could be Native American, I didn't ask. He radiates a gentle understanding. I'm not easily comfortable alone around strange men, but I was comfortable with him.
He started with my chest, rubbing oil across it and down one arm. I try to relax and let the music wash over me. He made a few hmmph noises, like a mechanic looking over a car. Then he did a few sharp movements across my wrists and fingers. The tendons made cracking noises. I jumped and yelped. My hands had been getting tighter over the past few months and I was getting scared for my wrists. I feel my wrists open and the flow of blood and lymph through my forearms. We talked for a few seconds. He spoke to me about my childhood. He then placed two fingers at the top left of my breastbone and wiggled a straight line down my ribs. The first time felt like broken glass through the entire area. The second time was less jagged more bruised. By this time I was sobbing.
He worked my legs and hips too. I tried to be as limp as possible. Flexing was not an option. I wept, I clenched my hands, and I tried to breathe through everything I was feeling and thinking. It was more like what I imagine Rolfing to be. Linda, the woman who was sponsoring him while he was in the state, came in with a questioning face. I had thought about trying to be quieter, but suffocating these emotions was how they got jammed in my hips in the first place. She came in and started talking to Steve about his day. She held my hand and stroked my forearm like a mother soothing a child. Their voices murmured above me while I focused on breathing.
Steve paused then started making brisk circles with 4 fingers along the underside of my ribs. It was an incredibly tender area. It was bruised feeling. I've had friends do brisk massage along my ribs, and I've had crazy flu like results of sharp pains and rolling cramps. I wasn't sure if they were gallstones or not, but damn it would hurt. This time it wasn't as sharp but it did hurt. He harumphed and told me I'm storing negative emotions instead of releasing them. I started laughing. I use humor as a defense when I'm in pain. If I'm laughing, I'm not crying. I told him I was emotional hoarder. I saw it in my head. I was surrounded by boxed shitty memories, full of pain and covered in cat turds and full ashtrays. We both laughed. It was intense. the whole treatment.
I went straight to Mother's Market after we were done. He recommended a few things for me to start taking. B spectrum liquid supplement for memory, ashwaghanda tonic for anxiety, cayenne and garlic for anti-inflammatory properties. I was pretty good for a few days. I laid off the caffeine, I tried to not do dairy or fried foods, and not drink sodas. I've wavered quite a bit the past week or so. I'm still trying to take the supplements. It was draining and life changing. I felt deflated for a few days, but deflated in a good way. I felt like I had been running full speed since I decided to go back to college, that was nine years ago. The last few times I've vacationed or done extreme bodywork, my energy level becomes neutral.
I always feel like I'm hyper active and frantic, and struggling not to be OCD. I fight to get out of the house. I'm not agoraphobic, heavens no! Honey, cut me in half and I got "party" written all over the inside. It's getting in the goddamned car without checking to make sure, all the doors are locked, lights are out, nothing out for Piff to eat and choke on, I didn't leave the stove on, I got my lunch/water/sheets/lotion/protein bar etc.etc.etc. When I arrive at work, I have to walk back at least once to see if the car door is locked, even if I looked at it before I walked away. Depending on my stress level that day, I sometimes walk back 2-3 times, usually muttering and snarling at myself that it's locked, I know it's locked, walk away ya goddamn freak, there's nothing in the car to steal, go to work, you're making yourself late, leave, leave, aghhhhhh!!
Yep. I'm crazy. I know it. I don't own guns, I'm not on meds, and I don't smoke crack, so I think I'm dealing with it well. Sadly enough, I know it's all anxiety. My mom has had crippling panic attacks at this age. The women in my family have thyroids that shrivel in their 40s causing all types of hormonal crap. Meds for this stuff cause all kinds of side effects. I'd rather do yoga, exercise, and eat right. It's cheaper too:)
So, it was an amazing experience. Neutral is good. I can think, I can plan, I can hope for better things. I'm trying real hard to hang onto a sense of peace.
I can't decide if it all sounds appealing or horrifying.
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