kitty butter balls

Wow, what a long weekend. It was good. informative. And OMG I cannot sit still for 8 hours. I was a total munchasaurus the first day. Blegh. It was hard to focus on constant power points and hands-on work. Real eye-opener how much I need to return to yoga. I've lost my inner mute button. And BELIEVE me I need one. I've had enough therapy to know the inside of most people's heads are a constant battlegrounds of ID, anima/us and ego. So I don't feel alone in admitting my internal dialogue is a bit chaotic and rude.

My inner Jiminy Cricket is more of a tacky trucker than Mother Teresa. My workout crew knows a bit more of my unexpurgated personality. I can't filter when I'm working out hard. I think that is why I love them so much. They love dark Eda. I can snarl and snort all that I want, and they mostly laugh. They get my sense of humor, my cynical anger doesn't throw them for a second, if anything they are just as sharp and terse as I am.

I am working on releasing more and more emotional hang-ups I've had forever. This weekend also brought out a lot of shame based performance issues for me, and my obsession with effortless perfection. I try not to let my nerd ego rule my head, but when it comes to learning I'm arrogant. I admit it. I'm a vicious student. I don't just learn something, I hunt it down, beat it to death with my tennis shoe, field dress it with a paring knife, and BBQ that bitch in short order. Struggling doesn't appeal to me, which is why my fitness thing is so bizarre because I'm always struggling. I'm always behind. But in class I felt my illogical irritation at not instantly being the best at it. I was ashamed by my childish attitude, but also self shamed about not being the standout in class.

But, truth be told, I didn't feel like being in front, performing for the crowd. Also, I got the vibe my teacher found me a little loud and grating, so I tried to be unobtrusive as much as possible. I had fun talking shit with my table partner Ann. She is from Denver. Fun lady. They separated us the last day for our test outs. She did it alone (wish I'd got to do that) I tested out with this emotionally traumatized, unemployed, passive aggressive nightmare. Fun. By end of class I was so ready to bolt, I packed my shit before anyone else.

At least I saw Johnette again. She is the woman who put together the Greet the Day Oncology massage program. Very dedicated lady. We were all at lunch talking about nonsense (the whole class ate lunch together and shared impressions of class or just bullshitted) We were talking about being obsessed with our pets. Johnette asked if we ever did silly things with our pets. She said something about putting butter on her cat's paws so they couldn't walk and had to lick it off. I was about 5 people down the table from her and her say they put butter on her cat's BALLS. I about fell out of my chair laughing. I was like "excuse me did you say balls?" The whole table fell out.

With my allergies, I know better than to trust my hearing but I asked anyway. Johnette gave me a wry look and said, "And this is how rumors get started."

I laughed, and said, "I wondered! I mean I from the sticks, and I've heard some messed up things, but I thought maybe putting butter on your cat's genitals was perfectly normal in South Africa."

By this time we were all limp with laughter. Johnette told me she missed my sense of humor. I got some thank yous for the laughs, so I guess I wasn't a total dial tone, but I was boring for me;)