Back in Cali
It's good to be home. It was great to see everyone in Texas. It's been 4 years since I was back and 8 years since I spent enough time to see everyone. I hadn't even realized it's been so long. Fort Worth is no longer my city. Places have changed; buildings have been torn down, gutted or renovated. I didn't feel like I was home until I went by Fantasy Imports, a head shop I worked at in my 20s.
Sarah was still there. I told her she looked good, she laughed at me and said she gained 80lbs. She looked the same, just puffier. I felt bad for her. She had left and ended up coming back. There are no benefits for her, and she works six days a week. She hates it there. She told me. It was a very intense moment of revelation. There but for fortune go I. I had that sense of the path not taken many times that week as I visited my childhood friends and haunts.
My best gay boyfriend, James, met me at DFW. He brought his leather daddy, Kent. I fell in love with him, immediately. He was 6'2, blonde, and soft-spoken. I was so happy for my James. They fit so well together. I had to suppress laughter every time I heard James call him "Daddy". Kent acts like a happy henpecked husband. James told him to get my bag off the carousel while we smoked outside. We dropped by Fantasy Imports then went to J & K's. It was a brick classic Fort Worth house with a backyard that ended at a 45 degree angle. Their driveway was at 45 degrees too. That made getting into James's new Jeep while wearing 3 inch heels quite the balancing feat. It made me damn glad I've been working out.
We went to CHili's because it was the only place open. I had a pulled pork sandwich that I ended up puking up later (too greasy on a clean system). I went out to eat 6 out of the 7 nights I was there. I got sick 3 times. I just can't handle crap food anymore. I could tell it was grease that made me sick. Kinda scary that many restaurants are using rancid grease.
Thursday I went to Fuzzy's Taco shack in Weatherford with mom's woo-woo friends. (Dad calls them her woo-woo friends because they are channelers, guides, and healers) Mom is down with Mayans, Aliens, spirit guides, and a whole host of WTF?. She's always on the cutting edge of the spiritual wellness scene. My aunt Priscilla and her husband David came with.
D & P loaned me their farm truck, it's missing the front bumper. I started laughing when they told me that. I was thinking "Oh yeah, that's me rolling up on my twenty year reunion in style...in a farm truck missing a bumper.' That LA glam was definitely beginning to tarnish. We went in James's Jeep, so I avoided that moment.
Friday we went to the Registration. James was my prom date, so us going to reunion made the circle complete. There were only ten people in the room. I had brought a camcorder with me to interview my grandmother (she hates cameras, that was a fail). Scott M asked me to interview people. I was getting bored, and when I get bored I get tetchy. I had a few beers, and started interviewing. My questions consisted of:
What have you been up to since high school?
How many husbands/wives have you had?
Did you bury the last one?
Have you been to jail?
Should you be in jail?
Where would you most like to go to in the world?
I watched the video later and almost spit my iced tea all over James's kitchen. Holy shit! They were drinking and the answers got more honest as the video goes on. For some reason "Bitch" became my favorite word. My opening line with the men was "Mickey Mouse roll call, bitch! What's your name?" I wasn't quite so aggressive with the women. They are a bit more reserved...okay a lot reserved.
I got about 30 minutes of footage, but I got a lot more from it. I looked good. I weigh less than I did my freshman year of high school. People were quick to tell me how much I changed. It was all very cordial.
They were working the same job they got when they left high school, or most likely living on their parent's land, and had multiple children and spouses. They weren't terrible or rude. They were snapshots of the lives that were built by opportunities that were available in Springtown, Texas. Probably, pretty indicative of the country as a whole.
I kept thinking of Robert Frost's poem "the road not taken". I was relieved I had taken the grassy overgrown path, not the well trodden one. I wanted to travel and I have. There is nothing wrong with the other path. I do believe in the Zen concept that enlightenment does not require an outer journey to achieve, but I do believe that I had to leave the people around me to learn and earn the right to think differently. I am happy where I am. I was just there, observing. It was exactly what I wanted. Cathartic. I demystified my teenage memories of the world around me. It was chance to re-meet these people as a calm happy adult, and process their reaction to me. I got to store these memories. I feel resolved about a lot of issues.
I re-connected with someone from high school. Chris C. and I used to joke around in UIL. We were geeks, and we didn't care what anyone thought. He and I started bullshitting on Friday, by Saturday night I was wondering why we lost touch. Super nice guy. He reminds me of my Uncle Arthur, fun and bizarre in a good way. He lives in Dallas now. James and him had a good old conversation about interior decorating. Hell, James handed out handfuls of cards to everyone there. He was determined to get as many clients as possible out of it. Little opportunist!
All in all, it was an interesting time. I really had time to hang out with my mom. I worry about her, but she has become a vegetarian. She looks healthier. I saw a lot of myself in her. It was good to be with her on her birthday. I also got to spend time with my grandmother. We had lunch and looked through old negatives.
I found negatives I think my grandfather took in Paris during WWII. I found limericks and poems written by my Grand Uncle Clancy. I also snagged some negatives of Grandmother, wearing a leather racing helmet, and driving a vintage Porsche. Yeah, a freaking Porsche. She had one of the first female race car driving licenses in the US. These are my genes! She's a total adventure bunny, just like me!
It was a blessing to come home. I really missed Scott and the dog. I loved visiting home, but sleeping without Scott beside me felt weird. As soon as I exited the plane at LAX I was relieved to be home. I feel stupid admitting this,but I really do not like being away from Scott for that long. It was a good thing that I left for so long. I it gave him a chance to do things for himself how he wanted to do them. He seems happier since I returned, and more self sufficient. I like that.
I didn't end up working out for two whole weeks!! When I got back and started up again I thought I would die. I'm so sore everywhere. I'm getting my feet back under me and working out feels better and better, but that first week was a bitch.
They've been showing the new season of ninja warrior. It is crazy hard. There is a parkour gym in LA that does ninja warrior seminars. Kim is talking about getting us together to go up there and take one then stay for open gym after. I'm scared, but I have to start doing these things to even think about doing them in May. I'm trying to find David Campbell's contact info to ask him if I can try his course in his back yard. How cool would that be? Hopefully he's not a serial killer.
Well, that's all I have for the moment. I going to try and be a lot more conscientious about writing at least once a week on this thing. I'm determined to finish my book, and find the calm space in my head to write consistently and successfully. I've got six books now waiting in the wings, and I need to get on it, and finish the damn things!
Sarah was still there. I told her she looked good, she laughed at me and said she gained 80lbs. She looked the same, just puffier. I felt bad for her. She had left and ended up coming back. There are no benefits for her, and she works six days a week. She hates it there. She told me. It was a very intense moment of revelation. There but for fortune go I. I had that sense of the path not taken many times that week as I visited my childhood friends and haunts.
My best gay boyfriend, James, met me at DFW. He brought his leather daddy, Kent. I fell in love with him, immediately. He was 6'2, blonde, and soft-spoken. I was so happy for my James. They fit so well together. I had to suppress laughter every time I heard James call him "Daddy". Kent acts like a happy henpecked husband. James told him to get my bag off the carousel while we smoked outside. We dropped by Fantasy Imports then went to J & K's. It was a brick classic Fort Worth house with a backyard that ended at a 45 degree angle. Their driveway was at 45 degrees too. That made getting into James's new Jeep while wearing 3 inch heels quite the balancing feat. It made me damn glad I've been working out.
We went to CHili's because it was the only place open. I had a pulled pork sandwich that I ended up puking up later (too greasy on a clean system). I went out to eat 6 out of the 7 nights I was there. I got sick 3 times. I just can't handle crap food anymore. I could tell it was grease that made me sick. Kinda scary that many restaurants are using rancid grease.
Thursday I went to Fuzzy's Taco shack in Weatherford with mom's woo-woo friends. (Dad calls them her woo-woo friends because they are channelers, guides, and healers) Mom is down with Mayans, Aliens, spirit guides, and a whole host of WTF?. She's always on the cutting edge of the spiritual wellness scene. My aunt Priscilla and her husband David came with.
D & P loaned me their farm truck, it's missing the front bumper. I started laughing when they told me that. I was thinking "Oh yeah, that's me rolling up on my twenty year reunion in style...in a farm truck missing a bumper.' That LA glam was definitely beginning to tarnish. We went in James's Jeep, so I avoided that moment.
Friday we went to the Registration. James was my prom date, so us going to reunion made the circle complete. There were only ten people in the room. I had brought a camcorder with me to interview my grandmother (she hates cameras, that was a fail). Scott M asked me to interview people. I was getting bored, and when I get bored I get tetchy. I had a few beers, and started interviewing. My questions consisted of:
What have you been up to since high school?
How many husbands/wives have you had?
Did you bury the last one?
Have you been to jail?
Should you be in jail?
Where would you most like to go to in the world?
I watched the video later and almost spit my iced tea all over James's kitchen. Holy shit! They were drinking and the answers got more honest as the video goes on. For some reason "Bitch" became my favorite word. My opening line with the men was "Mickey Mouse roll call, bitch! What's your name?" I wasn't quite so aggressive with the women. They are a bit more reserved...okay a lot reserved.
I got about 30 minutes of footage, but I got a lot more from it. I looked good. I weigh less than I did my freshman year of high school. People were quick to tell me how much I changed. It was all very cordial.
They were working the same job they got when they left high school, or most likely living on their parent's land, and had multiple children and spouses. They weren't terrible or rude. They were snapshots of the lives that were built by opportunities that were available in Springtown, Texas. Probably, pretty indicative of the country as a whole.
I kept thinking of Robert Frost's poem "the road not taken". I was relieved I had taken the grassy overgrown path, not the well trodden one. I wanted to travel and I have. There is nothing wrong with the other path. I do believe in the Zen concept that enlightenment does not require an outer journey to achieve, but I do believe that I had to leave the people around me to learn and earn the right to think differently. I am happy where I am. I was just there, observing. It was exactly what I wanted. Cathartic. I demystified my teenage memories of the world around me. It was chance to re-meet these people as a calm happy adult, and process their reaction to me. I got to store these memories. I feel resolved about a lot of issues.
I re-connected with someone from high school. Chris C. and I used to joke around in UIL. We were geeks, and we didn't care what anyone thought. He and I started bullshitting on Friday, by Saturday night I was wondering why we lost touch. Super nice guy. He reminds me of my Uncle Arthur, fun and bizarre in a good way. He lives in Dallas now. James and him had a good old conversation about interior decorating. Hell, James handed out handfuls of cards to everyone there. He was determined to get as many clients as possible out of it. Little opportunist!
All in all, it was an interesting time. I really had time to hang out with my mom. I worry about her, but she has become a vegetarian. She looks healthier. I saw a lot of myself in her. It was good to be with her on her birthday. I also got to spend time with my grandmother. We had lunch and looked through old negatives.
I found negatives I think my grandfather took in Paris during WWII. I found limericks and poems written by my Grand Uncle Clancy. I also snagged some negatives of Grandmother, wearing a leather racing helmet, and driving a vintage Porsche. Yeah, a freaking Porsche. She had one of the first female race car driving licenses in the US. These are my genes! She's a total adventure bunny, just like me!
It was a blessing to come home. I really missed Scott and the dog. I loved visiting home, but sleeping without Scott beside me felt weird. As soon as I exited the plane at LAX I was relieved to be home. I feel stupid admitting this,but I really do not like being away from Scott for that long. It was a good thing that I left for so long. I it gave him a chance to do things for himself how he wanted to do them. He seems happier since I returned, and more self sufficient. I like that.
I didn't end up working out for two whole weeks!! When I got back and started up again I thought I would die. I'm so sore everywhere. I'm getting my feet back under me and working out feels better and better, but that first week was a bitch.
They've been showing the new season of ninja warrior. It is crazy hard. There is a parkour gym in LA that does ninja warrior seminars. Kim is talking about getting us together to go up there and take one then stay for open gym after. I'm scared, but I have to start doing these things to even think about doing them in May. I'm trying to find David Campbell's contact info to ask him if I can try his course in his back yard. How cool would that be? Hopefully he's not a serial killer.
Well, that's all I have for the moment. I going to try and be a lot more conscientious about writing at least once a week on this thing. I'm determined to finish my book, and find the calm space in my head to write consistently and successfully. I've got six books now waiting in the wings, and I need to get on it, and finish the damn things!
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