Helllllo Wilderness

I've decided the INternet is the wilderness, and we're all the voices crying out. isn't that just hella-original? I can't decide if I'm such a stoner that I'm losing the ability to type or does my new laptop have a crappy keyboard and is missing every third letter? I have a number pad next to my right hand. I think it's throwing off my hand placement. Naaaaaaaaww. It's the weed...lol. I haven't updated this in a while but since the only other person that has read it was some chick from my Stanford writing class, I don't think there are legions of disappointed fans out there waiting for the next edition of my life. Right now, Im waiting for an answer from the famly trust. Scott and I have been recieving what I choose to see as financial aid for the past 6 years from th familt trust. They basically pay my rent for my home and my workspace. The massage business sucks right now. Everyone is broke,everyone is closing their doors. I refuse to feel guilty for not turing a profit, as a new business owner. Everyone is eating shit right now, business wise. I fell guilty for getting more money. I have no idea if they are going to approve the request. Its the beginning of the year, so the pot is full of money. My cousin is going to apply since her husband left her. My mom told me to hurry up and apply before my cousn got all the help. I felt terrible hearing her say that. There is no love between me and my cousin, but I always feel bad for her when I hear shitty things in her life. I don't wish her ill, even though we have had a crappy relationship for forever. We were the only grandkids for thirty years, you'd think we'd be thick as theives, but she has always hated me, and I finally gave in and just hated her back. Sh was the coler older kid that thought I was an idiot, and the same dichotomy exists between us. When I open my mouth I can feel her roll her eyes. We don't ever hang out,but she is there during family meetings. Her voice makes me cringe. It's like having the hot cheerleader in your family and she thinks you are a total dog turd. It's that kind of feeling.
I've been working on my book regularly. I'm excited that I've been adding to my story. I have no idea where it's going. I'm also writing a book on joy with a math teacher and an architect. What the hell do I know about joy? What do they know? I need to have an opening chapter by Feb 1. I'm not sure how impressed I am with the project. They have a vague idea what they want, they're like "We'll just pay you to write it." I'm like "OKay what do you want to include?" They look at me with blank faces. They want something awesome about joy, but they don't even know how to organize their thoughts on the subject. They just have a bunch of self-help books and personal experiences. I keep telling them they have to come up with their own ideas, they can't just cobble together other people's ideas and use them.